My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
