so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
