i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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