just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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