Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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