Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
