the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just had sex on a roof
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
