pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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