Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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