in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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