I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
