At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
smell my finger.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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