If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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