I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
