he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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