i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
