Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
