I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
