what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
