ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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