so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
