U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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