i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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