"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
