i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
