i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
