we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
