you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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