My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
