If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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