he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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