birth control should be required to get into college
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
