If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
