We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i drank out of a bidet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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