Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
