Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
