Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
