So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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