no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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