I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
