where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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