We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
