You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
