South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
