Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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