This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
