I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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