I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
