the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
