All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
