I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
