Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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