So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
