I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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