I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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